i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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