Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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