How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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