when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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