I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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