every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
