I just cut my nipple shaving
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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