How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
