Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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