"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
