My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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