I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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