it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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