It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
