My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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