you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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