Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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