Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
