Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
