If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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