it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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