the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
