Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
