Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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