I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
