We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
