I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
