This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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