I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
