After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
