Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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