Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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