I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
