Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
