Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
