I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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