you would pick up someone in the library
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
