If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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