Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
