Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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