definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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