just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
