I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
