12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
