It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
