you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
