When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
