Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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