SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
