Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
