I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
