i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
